I read this incredible post on being emotionally grounded and it spoke to me in many levels.
What spoke to me?
The list of behavioral indicators of being “not grounded”
• You don’t feel very stable.
• You don’t know how to feel, and often just react on impulse.
• Your inner dialogue (the way you talk to yourself in your mind) is not very nice (to say the least).
• You find it hard to accept your own feelings or anyone else’s feelings.
• Suddenly, another person’s opinion of you becomes very important.
• You get defensive.
• You feel indecisive about your life. From big life decisions (should I stay or should I go?) to the smaller, but equally important, ones (What do I want for lunch?). You want to decide, but you just don’t know!
• People keep hurting your feelings.
• It’s hard to fall asleep/ stay asleep/ wake up.
• You think it’s a great idea to think about the most stressful and emotional things right before you sleep.
• You feel very sensitive to other people’s moods and energies, often finding yourself riding their mood swings, just trying to keep afloat.
• You cry too much.
• You feel stressed, overwhelmed, uninspired, and lazy (even though you have a voice in your head telling you to get up and get going – you just can’t make yourself do it.)
• Everything that happens to you just feels unsatisfying.
Why does this speak to me?
The last two years have been a challenge. I have always been an emotional person, worried about displeasing people and living up to their expectations. I used to keep my balance by leaning on my close friends.
It is easy to keep your balance when you are in a good place, but when you are not in the best place emotionally it gets all messed up. I have struggled in a new country, where I didn’t have my support system. I don’t have my friends here, and I connected with too many people. Not having a job makes you feel purposeless and you feel like your day is has no meaning, so I end up hiding at home. I have had to study again, against my will because that it my only choice.
Even now, when I do have a job offer, I worry about why I haven’t started yet, what you get in the way. And then there is a whole new chapter of worry left. My first work stint was nothing short of disastrous- I never got a good review and my bosses never liked me. I am married to a family of over achievers. This just makes me shiver with pressure, what if this job ends up being like my first, maybe I am just not any good in a corporate setting? Does that mean my in-laws will be disappointed with me, does that mean I am the “black sheep”?
And in the middle of all this, I feel terrible because I am a complete wreck in front of my husband. Since we got married, we have been in a roller coaster of emotions because of all the turmoil.
What am I doing to get emotionally ground?
As my New Year anti-resolution resolutions, I am trying to get to a more grounded place, to feel whole and complete. I have been a bit emotional and unpredictable, and being emotionally ground will be good for my relationships. I am not a psychologist, but these are small steps I want to do to make myself feel better.
1. Now that I have figured out what is really bothering me, I don’t want to expect that I will wake up tomorrow and life will be amazing all of a sudden. I want to take small decisions everyday that make me feel more in control.
2. I want to build happy memories- plan activities every week that bring a smile to my face- walking around to my favorite places, indulging on my favorite snacks, talk to people who bring positivity and light.
3. I am not going to try and be a superstar at work; I will just learn how things are done and build relationships.
4. I am going to try and do more volunteering. Every time I volunteer with kids, I forget about all my worries and I get to a happy place.
5. I am working on new projects that fuel my passion.
- a. I love cooking and I going to make it more interesting by trying new recipes.
- b. I am trying to read at least one book a month so I keep my mind is stimulated.
- c. I love painting, and I took paint classes last year and it was one of the most exhilarating experiences. I want to work on more art projects. One of my new projects is this cabinet I painted:
That is my happiness project which I will be working towards. Share your experiences!