When you realize you are no longer a new mom..


Being a new mom is almost like a new title- it becomes your introduction till one day it dawns on you that you can’t say I am new mom anymore. 

Some milestones that I hit me (in good humor):

  1. When you stop counting baby’s age in weeks and move to months
  2. When you forget how many weeks it is because you have stopped checking your apps
  3. When you start winging it- from measuring bath temperature with thermometer to elbow, filling a recipe to getting creative
  4. When your baby moves dress sizes: newborn to 3-6, 6-9… each bucket move is a new wave of realization
  5. When baby food and your food start looking and tasting more alike
  6. When your baby doesn’t want to cuddle and wiggles around because the world is far too interesting
  7. When your cozy home suddenly feels like a death trap and you have nightmares about baby proofing
  8. When your changing bag moves from sterilized bottles and feeding cover to rice cakes, bibs, and more
  9. When there is no good excuse for cake (no sleep sugar fix, feeding carb loading) 🙂
  10. When people start asking you about the next one

5 realizations on my First Mother’s Day as a mom 


It’s Mother’s Day in U.K., and my first one as a mom. It’s only fair I sat down and penned my realizations from the journey so far:

  • Nothing prepares you for motherhood, not the books, not the endless conversations with your friends; no amount of research prepares you for it.
  • You end up with a lot more respect for your mother- as a child, you wonder why they are always so protective: “beta it’s cold, carry a sweater”, “call me if you are running late”, “you sound like you have a cold” and I get some of it even now :). I used to argue saying I have grown up now, so she doesn’t have to worry. But I got it during my first week as a mom, little one got jaundice and was in the hospital and I remember calling my mom and mother inlaw and saying I get it now- the constant worry, the panic when your child is unwell. 
  • Bollywood romanticized motherhood for me and reality was different. In the movies, you pick up the baby and you are instantly a mom. I found the first three months was a steep learning curve and a lot of second guessing- does she know I am her mother?, if the baby cries for a while and you can’t make her stop, you wonder if you are a good mom? It’s only after a few months that I felt confident and ready!
  • I learnt to give up my ideal version of motherhood and go with the flow. For example, I read about nipple confusion in the first month and decided no bottles or pacifier. But when we were in hospital with jaundice, all my plans went out of the window: my doctor rightfully told me “baby being fed is important, how she is fed isn’t”. Sometimes we idealize what the experience should be and don’t realize each baby is different. I now focus on what works for us and our circumstances.
  • A smile or cuddle makes a dull day better, back pain from sleeping on a chair go away, and fills you with so much joy you wonder why you didn’t have a baby sooner :). You don’t care if you are off key or shrill, because your singing gets the giggles! I always knew it’s an all consuming experience, but I had no idea how much it would change me!

Share your realizations from your first Mother’s Day in the comments below! 

My first 6 months- guest blog by my daughter

I decided to takeover mom’s blog for one day and describe my first 6 months on earth. 

I was born on July 26 at 9.41am in a bright and noisy hospital room. It has been an enormous journey to learn how to live and adjust to my surroundings, and here are the highlights:

  • The two people everywhere in my life are my mom and dad- the first people I saw and cuddled. First few weeks, they seemed oddly obsessed with a few details of my life: feeding, diapers, and sleep- discussing it at length, so weird right? Everything daddy says is funny so I save my best giggles for him. Mummy gives the best cuddles and loves to sing to me- I think her voice is improving! 
  • I have two sets of grandparents who have spent a lot of time giving me hugs and kisses. I love playing with them but sometimes they also try to put me to sleep.
  • I really don’t like sleeping- everything around me is so bright and colorful, I don’t want to miss anything. 
  • My favorite thing to do is stare at all the lights- sunlight, bulbs, nightlight. Mummy buys all the toys and puts me on the mat but all I want to do is stare at the ceiling light.
  • My favorite place in the house is my changing table- it has the star nightlight, and seeing it makes me so happy that I kick and play.
  • I love swimming and being in the water- mummy has been taking me since I was 4 months old and it’s safe to say I will be a pro soon.
  • Mummy and I have outings everyday, which I love. Children’s center, sound and light classes, swimming, Pilates, and meeting my baby friends. 
  • While I love to go out, the one thing I hate is getting ready. Whenever mummy starts putting me in a jacket, I get uncomfortable, sometimes I even cry. 
  • I play little tricks on mummy and daddy- when they tell their friends I don’t sleep, that day I sleep without any effort- it’s fun! 🙂
  • I am friendly, I like staring at other babies and making friends. 
  • I smile a lot, although most of my smiles are in the comfort of my home.
  • I have just started talking and my favorite words are “ta ta” and “va va”.
  • Mummy is introducing new food to me and although I was skeptical at first, they seem tasty. My favorites so far are banana and butternut squash.
  • I love to sit- I haven’t quiet figured out how to get from my back to sitting but once mummy or daddy make me sit, I love it! 
  • Tummy time used to be a pain but now I can escape it by rolling onto my back.
  • I love rhymes- my favorite ones are 5 little ducks, you are my sunshine,  and the good morning song.

I can’t wait to see what’s next- in the meanwhile, comment if you like my post :).. it will encourage me to post an update again! 

The 3am musings 

It’s 3am, and your perfect little angel is sleeping in your arms, on her nursing pillow, with a bellyful of milk. With a lot of hesitation, I lower the baby into her bassinet- decked with Sleepyhead and other attractions to lure her to sleep. And then, “waaaah..”, she is up, extremely cross at your attempt to separate her from her cozy resting spot. This is what every night feels like lately!

You start thinking of waking up your loving and supportive spouse who would happily trade places with you for a while so you get some shut eye when a wave of guilt hits you. He has been in the office all day, exhausted while you are still on maternity leave. You think “Naah I will catch up during the day, he needs his sleep”. 

After all, I have all the luck in the world with parents and inlaws visiting and a lovely lady who cooks for us. I think of my antenatal group, and I realize everyone pulls through on their own. Everyone seems to be finding their own way of managing the night. So my mental speech to myself “come on, buck up. You can do this”. 

I remember the sleep workshop- sleep training the no cry way for softies like me who can’t handle the crying. But we tried one night- she was fed, and hubby rocked her to sleep and gently placed her in the bassinet. She smiled for a few seconds thinking it’s a game but when she realized daddy left the room, the little precious one wailed like a monster and refused to calm down. After 15 minutes, we settled her against us and said bye to sleep training! Icing on the cake- she turns around and gave us a victory laugh I started rocking her to sleep!

Then I remember all my conversations with mums and aunts in India-“what sleep training? You were in bed with us and fell asleep”. Setting aside all our fears of SIDS, we decide to go Indian for one nap- strip the bed of pillows and blankets and place her in the sleepyhead between us to avoid any flying elbows. Two minutes of kicking around and amusement seeing parents on both sides then the demand- how about rocking me to sleep now? Sigh British born babies don’t seem to get the Indian way!

Your mom friends and relatives always ask you about sleep. If you are honest, you get a lot of suggestions. Some advice is helpful, but sometimes you wonder if you are doing everything wrong- your confidence is shaken. So you mention no issues- after all until she got the cold, she was sleeping in the bassinet. You have selective amnesia about the first two months, the growth spurts- it’s all a phase anyway 🙂 You can’t have all this cuteness without some sleeplessness right? 

All of these thoughts and I scan Instagram for the 100th time and look at the watch- it’s 6am. I gently place her down, and lie down realizing she will be hungry soon so I must have a power nap.

And the day dawns 🙂 

How my life changes as a mom..


Motherhood is an intense experience- it is a life altering journey and you come out on the other side a new person! There are lots of blogs out there sharing best practices, what to do, etc. This isn’t one of them! I don’t claim to be an expert, I think every baby is different and every mother child relationship is unique so no pearls of wisdom from me.

I am changing gears and attempting humor! As a new mom, here are 5 changes I observed:

  • Meal time marathons: somehow my little one knows mom is ready to eat and has to be changed/ fed/ put to sleep. So my time to eat has been quartered (if that is even a word!). I am still slow but it feels like I am running a marathon to finish! 
  • Sleep time anytime: there was a time when I needed a solid 30 minute wind down time and a cozy blanket and bed to get me to sleep. Now a nursing chair where my neck is slumped to one side and arm numb is just fine! I can’t claim no wind down time but I am hoping it goes away- otherwise I finish nursing, settling the little one down and I am running a countdown in my head “in two hours I have to be up, so I better sleep now… make that one hour 55 minutes so I can run to the loo…” and so on until it’s time to wake up! 
  • Date night joy: we are blessed with doting parents so we get the night off every few weeks. Sounds romantic but mostly we get to the restaurant, and order everything at once just in case we have to rush home, spend the whole meal discussing our little miracle, and when I get home I have missed her and can’t believe we left her for so long! 
  • Chats with your friends are different: with your mom friends, no topic is off limits- “does your baby’s poop smell?” Or “how long does she feed?”- no real embarrassment or privacy. Having said that, the antenatal group is your most viewed chat group and your lifeline at 4am. 
  • How you shop changes:My me time activities are shopping and a little mani pedi every now and then.It’s all about efficiency, online shopping or pick up in store and try at home. Not sure if it is working out as efficiently as I hoped, lots of returns. 

How did your life change as a mom? Share your experience in the comments below.

Super parent

My life changed… we had our princess 3 weeks ago and from being a daughter, wife, professional, friend, and so many other hats, I get a new hat called mother…

The role of a mother is worshiped, described in movies and songs in the most pious ways. Hindi movies have songs where moms are praised by their children. I am now realizing what it really means to be a mother. But as I digest this new world, I had a different thought- why isn’t there as much of a fuss about fathers? While nature gives us the lion share of pregnancy and child birth, fathers are often the silent partners to the entire journey. We point out when the father is absent from a child’s life, but we don’t spend enough time celebrating their role in a child’s life.

I can speak from my experience- my husband was a part of every stage in my journey, helping me through morning sickness, trying to feel her kicks and an enthusiastic partner of my antenatal classes. From the second she was born, he was with her every second, every midnight feed he waited patiently to burp her, changed every diaper enthusiastically, worried about every reaction, and celebrated every activity she did. I watch with pride as I see her cuddle against him and nap for hours on end. When we go to doctor’s appointments, they are surprised at how involved he is, and tell me I am lucky- and my hubby is perplexed. As his paternity leave is almost done, I keep wondering how much we both will miss him.

It reminds me of the nature v/s nurture argument- moms have a natural bond, one that we feel from the womb with every kick and one that we feel every moment. But isn’t it amazing that someone can be a part of every moment without actually feeling it constantly? Isn’t that something we should watch with wonder, and maybe talk about every now and then..

The world I imagine for my daughter..

As I count the days to the arrival of my little princess, I have been thinking about the world I want her to come to.  The world for me was a lot better than me previous generation, but there is still sexism, women’s safety is a concern,  and women still have to battle for being treated equally.

5 dreams for my daughter are:

  • Safety for women is a right:

This needs to explanation: we live in a world where 20 schoolgirls were taken from Nigeria 2 years ago and there is no sign of them, university campuses in US have episodes of rape,and gang rape cases happen even today in India. We grow up with a sharp sense of fear, walking fast and being wary about strangers. It is a women’s job to constantly be alert and can never really relax. I hope the world is a nicer place where she doesn’t need to be on guard and enjoy the world for being what it is.

  • Sky is the limit for my girl:

“This job may not be right from a woman, it has long hours” or “it might be hard to do this job when you have a family”… how often have we heard things like this? If a man with a family can do it, there is no reason why a woman with a family cannot. We are breaking the glass ceiling, but it isn’t equal opportunity for everyone. It should be a given for all women to have any role they dream of, sky is the limit!

  • The term “like a girl” is a powerful statement, not an insult:

The Always “Like a Girl” commercial got me thinking, we use these statements all the time. But now when I hear someone say like a girl in a derogatory way, it will make me cringe. I want my daughter to never feel self conscious about being a girl, she can run like a girl and fight like a girl, but that is a because she is a girl, and there is nothing to be ashamed about!

  • No pressure on appearance:

A hot topic that has been written about a lot lately is the pressure on appearance. The airbrushed magazine covers set unrealistic standards for beauty and young readers get under pressure about their appearance, raising the ugly head of eating disorders, unnecessary plastic surgery, and self esteem issues. In a recent interview, Jennifer Lawrence (of all people!) mentioned she felt like the fattest one- something that baffles me. It is crucial to make all body shapes acceptable, as long as someone is happy and healthy!

  • Women for women:

This is something I often wonder about: when I got married, I decided to move to New York  to join my husband, I quit my job and I had not figured out my options. I had to face judgment from friends/family- strong career women who felt it was weak to follow a man around the world. When I speak to working moms, they mention how hard it is to juggle work and home and the often unreasonable work pressures. I used to believe women in senior positions would mean a more inclusive culture. But I have observed that often women in management roles have a uni-dimensional view of how to manage work life balance: the perspective is driven entirely on how they handled it. If they had full time nannies, they don’t get the pressure of leaving at 5pm to pick up from day care or take over from the day nanny. Don’t you think it is time we stand on each other’s corner? We should support any career choice or child care choices-we have so many battles everyday,  we don’t need to defend ourselves with other woman…

 

The world is your oyster and I hope nothing holds you back! ❤

Kids and flights!!

I was on a 20 hour ordeal to join my love, and the flight was unbelievably difficult! I love kids, I adore all my nieces and nephews to bits, and with all my hours of baby-sitting, I would like to believe that I am pretty good at it! I want to have a couple of kids too… But somehow, the flight made me really mad at kids! There was this guy sitting next to me, with 4 kids– 3 of whom were sitting all by themselves, and one of the kids, 9 months old, was sitting on his lap.. The tiny air seats aren’t exactly comfortable, and with a child which is uncomfortable on a flight and squirting constantly, I was constantly kicked… The father was trying hard to keep up, but only to keep elbowing me… And then of course, there was this 9-year-old sitting behind me who kept shaking his tray table, while I was sleeping, and the mother just smiled sheepishly! I couldn’t help but reflect on how my parents would react to the same situation– they would have made me apologise and ensure that I would not do it again…

I was chatting with a friend about this, and she mentioned that she had similar experiences with kids, and it made me reflect on whether the lack of “spare the rod, spoil the child” ideology might be to blame? I am not talking about hitting, violence is simply not acceptable, but its the lack of consequences for actions, because parents just don’t discipline their kids… Do you agree?